Forgiveness: The Key to Freedom
Life has a way of testing us, again and again. Have you ever felt like you're stuck in a cycle of anger or regret, weighed down by past hurts?
On a recent visit with my daughter, our conversation turned to forgiveness. I had just shared that my podcast interview had gone live—a moment that made me incredibly anxious, but I put it out there anyway. A few people reached out with encouragement, but one message struck me deeply. A woman shared her struggle with forgiving her sibling, a recovering addict. She spoke of the weight she carried—not just the hurt from the past but the heartbreak of watching addiction unravel her family.
Her words hit close to home. Maybe you can relate. Have you ever been caught in the emotional toll of someone else’s addiction or mistakes?
When I shared this with my daughter, she opened up about her battle with forgiveness, not just forgiving those who had failed to protect her but forgiving herself. She has carried the weight of shame, struggling to let go of the choices that hurt the people she loves. She’s seen the pain addiction has caused in our family—how it shaped my past relationships, how it has affected her brother, her father, and me.
And while she deeply regrets the impact, the most challenging part has been learning how to extend that same forgiveness to herself. If you’ve ever struggled with forgiving yourself, you know how heavy that burden can feel.
She was at war with herself, and as a mother, the most painful part of this conversation was knowing that I couldn’t just take the pain away. I wanted to reassure her that she’s more than her past. But how do you protect your child when the battle is inside of them? How do you fight for them when the one hurting them most is their self-imposed shame and regret?
I know that battle all too well.
The Weight of Resentment
Being our own worst critic—our own worst enemy—is something so many of us struggle with. How often have you replayed past mistakes, allowing guilt to weigh you down? I’ve spent countless moments weighed down by guilt, letting past mistakes define me. It’s easy to get stuck there, believing that no matter how much we’ve grown, we’re still bound to who we once were.
When I thought about the woman’s struggle with forgiving her sibling, it made me stop and deeply consider my son’s experience. While I’ve lived through addiction in my own way, I was never in his position, navigating it as a teenager within our family with his father, and then his sister. He is very quiet and stoic, so I don’t know what questions he’s had, what emotions he’s worked through, or what burdens he’s carried in silence.
Even if our experiences in this situation and how we cope with them are different, the truth remains: forgiveness doesn’t erase the past. It doesn’t undo the pain or make the consequences disappear. When the damage is deep and irreversible, forgiving can feel impossible—like letting someone off the hook for something they should have to carry.
But here’s what I’ve learned: forgiveness isn’t about excusing the harm done. It’s about freeing ourselves from the grip of resentment. How much longer do you want to carry the anger and hurt? Holding onto anger doesn’t protect us—it only keeps us trapped in the past, reliving the same pain over and over again.
Loving an Addict: The Role of Forgiveness, Boundaries, and Grace
Loving someone with addiction complicates the idea of forgiveness. There’s a fine line between grace and enabling. Boundaries are necessary. You can forgive someone and still protect yourself. You can have compassion for their struggle and still say, “I won’t allow this in my life anymore.”
Seeing your loved one get sober and actively work toward creating new daily habits for sustained sobriety is the best thing in the world! But loving someone in active recovery comes with a constant undercurrent of fear—the worry that today might be the day they slip, that addiction might reclaim them, that all the pain and suffering will come rushing back. It’s exhausting, carrying that fear, waiting for the other shoe to drop. But this is where radical acceptance and grace become essential.
If you’re in this situation, you know this fear and uncertainty all too well. The truth is, they are human. They will make mistakes. And no amount of worry on your part will change the choices they have to make every single day. Your job isn’t to control their recovery—it’s to offer compassion and love while holding firm to your own healthy boundaries.
The emotional and mental toll of loving an addict is heavy. The fear, the hope, the helplessness—it all takes a toll. But the most important thing you can do is focus on being the best, healthiest version of yourself. Model the kind of stability and self-care you want for them. Show them what it looks like to live with resilience, with peace, with strength.
For me, there’s an odd kind of comfort in knowing exactly where my daughter is right now. She’s incarcerated—not where I want her to be, but at least I know she’s safe. I don’t have to lie awake wondering if she’s okay. It sounds strange, but if you know, you know. It’s a bittersweet relief, one that only those who have walked this road can truly understand.
Forgiveness is Not Forgetting
Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending the past didn’t happen. It means deciding that it will not define us. Have you ever felt trapped by your own story, unable to move forward because of guilt or shame? Shame and guilt can keep us stuck in a story that only brings pain. But forgiveness—whether for ourselves or others—is the only way out.
Maybe you’ve been there, too. Maybe you’re still there. If so, hear this: You don’t have to keep punishing yourself. You don’t have to keep carrying the weight of anger, resentment, or regret. Forgiveness isn’t giving in—it’s letting go. Not for them. Not even for the past version of you.
For you. For your peace. For your freedom.
Take a moment today to reflect on the weight you may be carrying. What’s one thing you could forgive yourself for? Forgiveness is the first step toward true freedom, and you deserve that peace.
